The Desire Behind the Desire

If you ask someone what he truly wants, he likely doesn’t know. Even when one claims to know what they want, they often know only at a very superficial level. One might say he wants a career he is passionate about, while another wants a loving relationship. These answers sound acceptable enough, but they avoid the heart of the matter altogether. The insight does not come from recognizing the desire, but from recognizing the desire behind the desire.

A person says they want a loving relationship, yet they move from relationship to relationship without ever finding it. They fail to see that their fear of being alone drives them to say they want to be in a loving relationship, and that this very same fear urges them into relationships that are anything but loving. Why is this? Because fear distorts one’s vision. Unrecognized fear even more so.

One might wonder how it is that, even after all these years, they still don’t know what they truly want. The truth is, no one is really looking. People don’t look because they are afraid of what they might find. You can see this for yourself. You already know, on some subconscious level, the motivations behind your actions. If you genuinely ask yourself why you do what you do, you will likely be able to feel a subtle aversion to answering your own question.

Dealing only with surface level wants is akin to rearranging furniture on the titanic. Lasting change only takes place when a person understands their own motivations. If you truly want to change, discover why you do what you do.